Seven more days until the 16th! The 16th is a good day! My friend J is coming out from Texas, so we are meeting up for dinner. I have a counseling appointment with an awesome counselor. AND that is the end of the poetry contest I entered, so I should find out shortly after, that I won. I’m trying all the visualization stuff, people are always talking about. I am visualizing a check with $1000 dollars written on it in my name. I am picturing my poems in the magazine, as the winning person. I’m also praying that I win. It’s been a couple months since I’ve been working, and I could really use the money to pay some extra bills. I could also use the “being published” part. That way when I get my books finished, it will be easier to get an agent, so that I can publish my books. I know I could self-publish, and that’s good for those that do, but I feel like if my things are good enough to be published, then I should be payed to have it done, rather then having to pay for it myself. I also am not motivated enough to go through with self-publishing.
So seven more days until the day comes!!!
Love & Peace
I just enter three poems into a poetry contest with Boulevard Magazine. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers! After the contest I will share my poems with you!
I have been nominated for The Versatile Blogger award. Thank you to Annie at Gentle Kindness for nominating me for this blog. I am so grateful that you nominated me. My prayers and thoughts go out to you.
Now I need to nominate some blogs. I am nominating blogs that speak to my heart. These are blogs that I follow regularly. Thank you to these bloggers for sharing your story. You are an inspiration to me.
A Journey With You
That Anxious Mom
James The Greatest
My Travels With Depression
Jules Rules Blog
Understanding Me and Her
So now here are seven things about me.
1) I ALWAYS look forward to blogging, and am VERY disappointed when I’m not feeling creative.
2) I enjoy painting, tiling, coloring, and pretty much anything else artsy.
3) I embrace change by tackling what comes into my life and overcoming it.
4) I express myself well, through writing.
5) I have an easygoing, funny and pleasant personality.
6) I’m an animal lover.
7) I received National Honor Society, when I graduated with my Associates in Criminal Justice, in 2011.
I don’t always see the good in myself, so my housemates helped me think these through. Thanks C and G!!!
I didn’t really have anything to write tonight, so thought I would share a story I wrote, awhile ago. When I had a Facebook account, I did a thing for a story idea. I wrote the first two words, and then had my friends add words, for a sentence. I then took that sentence and made it into a story. It is as follows…
Late tonight, as I ate my Lucky Charms, I saw a Leprechaun dancing high, by a street light.
Late tonight, I was home alone watching some late night movies on TV. I suddenly had a craving for something sweet, so went to the cupboard to see what I could find. A box of Lucky Charms was way in the back, so I grabbed them. I poured a bowl full and then went to the fridge and grabbed some milk. As I ate my Lucky Charms, I picked all of the cereal pieces out first, saving the marshmallows for last. This is the only correct way, to eat this scrumptious cereal! I finally got all of the cereal pieces eaten. I was just getting ready to take a bite of marshmallows, when I noticed they all started to swirl together. They started swirling so fast, they were running together. All the colors started to flow into a bright green color. It got brighter and brighter and then all of a sudden jumped out of the bowl. I fell backwards out of my chair and screamed. As I looked up, I saw a leprechaun walking around my kitchen. I slowly crawled backwards out of the room. As I went around the corner, I heard my front door open and close. I peeked around the corner and saw that the leprechaun had left. I crept up to the window and peeked out. Out at the street, the Leprechaun was dancing high up, by a street light. He danced around it, in circles. Then all of a sudden, he popped and was gone. Green confetti showered the ground. I ran outside to the spot where the confetti had fallen. When I got there, nothing was left of the leprechaun. I stood there for a minute and then started to fall backwards. I fell, fell and fell. All of a sudden I landed. As I landed, my body jolted. I was suddenly wide awake in my bed. I walked out to my kitchen and there was no evidence of a leprechaun or even a box of lucky charms. It had all been a dream. Or had it?
Hope you enjoy!
Well tonight I’m feeling kind of antsy. I’m not sure entirely why. I felt like I needed to write but don’t have anything big to write about. Finally decided to ride the stationary bike for 20 minutes and read while doing it. That helped some. I need to be heading to bed soon but don’t feel like it. Will have to force myself again. Hopefully my nightly meditation will help me settle down some.
Hours at work have been cut because of low census. So I’m working an average of 3 days a week, right now. Not nearly enough for the pay check but at least it’s something. I have worked one night at one of the other facilities a couple of towns over. They are needing a lot of help right now, so I have offered to also work there on occasion. I got a text tonight asking if I could work from 6p-10p. I would have said yes but I worked 6a-2p today, and do the same tomorrow. I REALLY need the hours but I also REALLY need me time and sleep. Since I’ve worked crazy hours in the past, burning myself out, I am not willing to do that again. I have to have faith that God will provide all of my needs.
Well I need to go do some kitchen cleanup and then head up to bed. Four O’clock in the morning comes awfully early.
Love & Peace
Procrastination. Wow, I live by that. I’ve been procrastinating all day on writing. Except for this morning when I checked the weather before taking my pup out, and seeing an email from my aunt that needed responding too; I’ve even been avoiding the computer. I knew after last night, I needed to write before doing anything else on the computer, so avoided it. Why do I procrastinate so much? I love to write, have a lot to write about, and want to write. Instead, I procrastinate. Why? I think this can be asked in other parts of my life too and probably yours as well. We have stuff we love to do, but we don’t do it. We put it off. If we love it, it seems like it would be the other way around. That we would put all of our extra time, doing the things we love. So why don’t we? I think for me as far as writing goes, I’m afraid of failure; and maybe success too. I am self analyzing more on this one.
Impatience. I tried to do what my friend suggested last night. I sat at the computer, closed my eyes and breathed slowly. I didn’t last very long. I grew impatient the second I started this. I’ve never been one to meditate in the past either. I’ve tried a couple of times, and also grew impatient. I know I need to do it more often for it to really work, I just don’t. I don’t know how to take the time to do it. Maybe I’m afraid of doing it wrong. I can, however, put on some really relaxing music and go into a happy place that way. I can picture my happy place and be there. But the other way just doesn’t happen fast enough for me. Maybe I need to research it more and figure out exactly what I’m doing. I also need to figure out exactly what makes me grow impatient.
Anxiety. I’ve been feeling kind of anxious lately. I’m feeling anxiety about the move, being away from my dog and finding a job. I’m worried about things not working out the way I want them too. As I wrote that I realized that’s part of the problem. I’m worrying about how I want things to be; not what God has planned for me. And that shouldn’t be something to worry about. He has a plan for me and I need to have faith in that. I just want March to be over with so that I can be moved and things can be settled. I think part of my problem is that I’m not looking forward to moving in with family. I am thankful, I have that option; but I am very independent. I like my own place and my own space. I’m 30, and hate the fact that I have to move in with people because I can’t make it on my own. I also really hate the fact that I have to be separated from Wyatt. Its going to be really hard on both of us. I feel worse for him though as he doesn’t understand that this is only a temporary thing. I am worried that he will think I’ve abandoned him. I know, dogs don’t understand to that degree. I think they do. People can’t for sure tell what a dog does or does not understand.
March hurry and be over!
Love & Peace Devin
Tonight I was sitting in church and I had an epiphany. I’m not sure why I had it tonight or why in church. The way I recall it, there was nothing on the subject to cause me to have it. And I hadn’t really been thinking about this at least consciously, today, that I recall. So my epiphany was this: before I lost my job, I had prayed for time and motivation to write. Working forty hours a week is exhausting for me. I don’t know what its like for everyone else, but for me, I feel exhausted. I have no energy or motivation at the end of the day. The beginning of the day is spent getting ready for work. When I get home, I just want to sit down and watch a movie or something. Then on my days off, one day is spent doing things like laundry, dishes and other work. The other day, is spent sleeping, going to church and spending the time with my pup. So I kept asking God to help me out. Tonight I realized that now that I’m not working, and have a lot more time, I’m not writing. I doubt this is why I was meant to loose my job, but I now I have all this time and I’m not doing with it what I should be doing.
Its hard right now because at this point in my life, sitting down and writing by hand doesn’t work. Its easier for me to type it out. My laptop went bottom up on me awhile back. My desktop is missing something and a lot of the programs aren’t working correctly, including the word program. Now that I’m without a job, I feel guilty spending money to fix my laptop. I need it for my bills and things I need to start saving for. I am continuing to pray about this, because I need some other options or something. For some reason lately, I keep picturing an old time typewriter. That would be cool but not as convenient as the laptop and I would have to figure out where to set it up. Plus when I move to my aunt’s, I don’t know how that would work.
This is what my ideal writing situation would look like. I would have my laptop or another well-working laptop. I would go sit at the local sit down restaurant and order a bite to eat. Evening and nights are better for me then mornings,so I would probably go in at about 8pm or so. Get my food and start typing for the next four hours or so. Then I would type until I ran out of things to say. I could just type about nonchalant things or write a story. Whatever came to heart. I would do this three or four times a week. Maybe I could get past my only journal phase and actually come up with some good stuff again. I feel like I’ve lost my creativity as I used to write a lot of stuff when I was in high school. I guess I became an adult and life hit.
So I am now working on this. A Facebook friend has suggested that I make myself write every day before I do anything else on the computer. She also suggested being present with myself first. I’ve never tried this and will see how it goes. Will keep you updated.
Love & Peace