Tag Archives: Moving

God’s Protection & My Job

Tonight I was driving home from Recovery Group, and the sun was really bright in my eyes. I’m guessing it was for this other person too. Anyway, this car in front of me stopped at a green light. Had I not gotten over to my right, I would have rear ended them. When I got over though, I didn’t even think to check my blind spot, and another car went around me and honked. I am thankful that God gave me fast reflexes but also the other car who honked at me.

I am done with the computer training now. It took me 2 1/2 days to get it all finished. Today was my first day on the floor. It was good and actually went fairly fast. At least, once I got past the first two hours where I was trying to stay awake. So far, everyone is so friendly at this community. It’s very refreshing! I am thankful for this job.

I will also be moving soon. Either this weekend or next week. I will be moving into a transitional housing program. It is coming together and I know God is in the works.

And now it’s time for bed. I was going to take a 30 minute nap when I got home, but it ended up being at least an hour. I couldn’t believe I slept that long but my body needed it. And I still feel tired and ready for bed now.

Night all and God bless!


Almost Done Packing!!!

I’ve got most of my stuff that is going to my new home, packed. Still a few things I will come back for Saturday. And then I will also need to clean the room/bathroom, I was living in. I will also need to do a few hours of cleaning that I didn’t get done this week. Then I will be on to unload at my new home. After that, I have a house sitting gig, so I won’t actually be staying at my new home until the 13th of the month.

God is SO amazing how He has taken care of my living situation in my life and other things too. The way He worked it out, is AWESOME! Our God is an Awesome God!!!


Moving Week!

I took a load over to my new home, today. Not a big load but it was a load. I’m trying to take things as I get them organized. That way it’s not too overwhelming. Then when those things are out of the way, then I start another section. Doing it this way, helps me to stay a little more focused and less overwhelmed. I also ate supper while I was there. It was delicious! And it was vegan! Both my grandma’s are vegan, and I never thought vegan could be this good. Maybe it will work for me to go vegan permanently. I know it’s healthier, but it’s hard to give things up. They also use Stevia instead of sugar. It’s actually really good too. I’ve been wanting to give up the majority of sugar but don’t know how to give it up. It’s a major addiction for me. I am hoping living at my new home, will also show me new and better ways to have healthier eating habits.

Love & Peace

BIG Load Off My Shoulders!!!

Wow! Where do I start? I get to move!!! Last night I signed a contract for a new place to live. C is in my group program. We hit it off really well. Yesterday we were talking and it just came together. I told her to ask her husband G first, and he was fine with it. I will be trading cleaning and such for rent, like I am here. We will be going by job not hours. I think that might be better. They are also pretty flexible about things, so I think it will be a good fit. Even though I’m a little nervous because it’s always nerve-racking living with people, I am only a little nervous. As I was driving home last night, I felt so much lighter. I felt relieved and like there was a huge burden off my shoulders. I am so thankful that God has led me to C and G. I am hoping we can be a good fit for each other and accent each other in positive ways. This, at this point, is a temporary thing, but I think it will give me the boost I need to start looking at things differently. Now I just have to start searching for a new job up in that area.

Please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I make more transitions in my life.


Pulling Myself Up By The Bootstraps…

Hello Everyone, 
So a lot has happened in the last week. A couple of weeks ago, I got a letter confirming that I had been accepted on the Oregon Health Plan. So one weeks ago, I went to my first doctor’s appointment in a few years. I had been dealing with a lot of depression and just couldn’t seem to pull myself out of it this time. So I talked to my doctor about it and she put me on Zoloft. Then last week, I got my labs done and Monday I go in to hear about those, and get my physical. It feels really good to be taking care of myself. 

So 3 times in the past I have been hospitalized for depression and self harm. At that time, I was put on medications. I was put on a cocktail of things. I was on and off a number of different meds from 2003 until I went off them in 2011 or 2012. Because of all the side effects that come with taking medications, I really wanted to fight this on my own. I also felt like the medications took my creativity away. Anyway, I was very stubborn about staying off medications this time. But I finally gave in. This time I feel like its a little more in my control, which helps me feel a little better about it. I feel like I have a choice in the outcome of this. 

So far I’ve been feeling better about things. I don’t know if the medication is starting to take affect already or because some other things have happened this last week. Or both. 

I have a storage unit reserved. So now its just setting up to move everything. I will feel so much better once everything is moved. It will cost more but I won’t have to worry about bothering people. At least in that matter. 

I had a good time hanging out with Dani. We went to Russell St BBQ, which is an AWESOME BBQ place. Then we walked around Lloyd Center. We hung out in Barnes & Nobles for awhile. I bought a red leather journal with a heart on it. I am using this to write about my feelings for Dani. We had a good time together and it ended way to soon. 

My dad came this week from WI. He came out here to buy a pick up truck. So I picked him up on Monday at the airport and spent time with him Monday and Tuesday. He found a truck and drove it back, leaving here Wed morning. In WI, they salt the roads, which causes vehicles to rust faster. So he came to OR to buy a truck that will hopefully last longer. I had a good time seeing him for a couple of days. 

I am seeing things differently about my living situation, so hopefully this will make it a little easier on me. 

My aunt and uncle that I live with, are also teaching me round dancing. I am still self-conscious about it but hopefully that will get better. 

I think that I all for now. 

Love & Peace


Feeling Trapped…>Graphic Detail, Could Trigger<

All of my stuff is now moved and I am almost done with my apartment. I just have to turn in the keys but the apartment manager was gone today when I was there, so I’m going back tomorrow. Hopefully he will be there. On Friday I move in with my aunt and uncle. I am right now staying at N1&N2’s place. They go to my church and N1 co-pastor’s my church. They are storing my stuff. They were available, along with two other friends to help me move everything yesterday, so I am staying here until Friday.

I am having an extremely hard time with the fact that I have to go to my aunt and uncle’s on Friday. I feel like it will be emotionally unsafe. The closer it comes, the more unsettled I feel about the situation. My stomach is upset from it and tonight I feel like cutting. This is the first time I have really felt like cutting since my whole recent situation has started. This really scares me because, if I am feeling like cutting because of having to move in there, then there is a huge problem. I feel like I don’t have any other choice. I have kind of hinted to a few different people that I really don’t want to move in there and that its stressing me out; but that is all I can do. I really don’t know how to ask anyone else if I can move in with them. I feel like if they know the thought is stressing me out, and they have the ability, they will offer. At this point, I feel like living in my car, would feel safer, at least emotionally.

I just want a job and a place of my own. I hate that I have to depend on people to help me out. I like being independent. Maybe God is trying to show me something, but I really don’t want to be living in a negative environment either. I really need a positive place to lay my head. I’ve been praying about it a lot. My friend M, suggested just asking someone, because they may not know or understand, to what point my stress is. I’m sure they don’t. I haven’t explained it to anyone. I’m not sure why, I just can’t seem to put it into words. I’m afraid of what they will say. Or how they will react, I guess.

I hate when I get to this point of wanting to cut. I usually get a sensation on my arm, where I usually cut. I don’t know how to describe it really. Unless you have been to this point, you probably wouldn’t know what I was talking about. I get this sensation and can picture the razor blade or knife running across my arm. I can picture the warm blood oozing out. I love that part. I love the pain too. It makes me feel real. It takes the pain from the inside and puts it on the outside. It makes things feel more realistic. The thing about this sensation, is that it doesn’t go away until I cut again. I can’t do that right now because I’m living with other people. The frustrating part is when I feel this way and can’t do anything about it. 

Well there is nothing I can do about it now…