God’s Power…

So over the last couple of days I have had extremely, bad lower back pain. It started out where it just felt stiff, but each day seemed to be worse. Then it got to the point where my knee was hurting and sometimes up my back. Then I also was has having some abdominal discomfort that was there occasionally. I took Ibeprofun once and Aleve once; they didn’t do anything. I soaked in the tub to try and relieve the pain but nothing seemed to work. Then last night when I went to bed, it didn’t matter what position I lay in, my back just hurt. I finally got up and went to take more Aleve. A friend had given me some earlier and I didn’t feel any difference in my back, though the knee pain went away. So after I took the Aleve at bedtime, I went back to bed and started praying. I cried out to God about my pain and how I don’t have the money to go to the doctor. I asked Him to heal me and make the pain go away. While I was crying, Wyatt came up next to me and started kissing me. He does that when I cry. He then snuggled in right next to me and I was able to finally go to sleep. This morning I woke up and the pain was gone. Right when I got up this morning, I did a few stretches, hoping that would help keep it away. I am still feeling a little stiff but I feel that way in the mornings anyway when I first get up. Since my job is a bit strenuous, I will take some more Aleve before going to work, though I believe that it was God’s power more then the Aleve, that has taken my pain away.

Thank you God, for hearing my prayer!

Love & Peace

Devin

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How I Thought Life Would Be

I think we as children, have a preconceived idea of what life will be. I know I did. I was one of the ones who thought I would grow up, go to college and get a career, find a handsome man, get married and have a house full of children. I was one of the ones who pictured the white picket fence. There would be pets, and lots of them. I thought my children would be happy and grow up to be smart and beautiful, and change the world. I thought I would change the world. I thought life would be easy and it would have a happy ending.

Then I became an adult. I tried college three times before finally finishing it the third time. I graduated with my associates in Criminal Justice. Now though I’m not even working in the field I graduated in and have student loans up the wazoo. I am 30 and single. I’ve never been married and never had children. I have a dog, Wyatt, whom I love to death, and is like a child in many ways. I live in an apartment in a not so good part of town. I do (now) have a full time job which I’m loving so far and will hopefully be able to save up and move in the future.

I am just now, at 30 trying to figure out who I am. I am trying to find out what I like and don’t like. I am trying to deal with abusive childhood memories and abusive relationships as an adult. I am no where close, to what I thought I would be, at this age in my life. Maybe though that’s better. Maybe I need to say good bye to that picket fence idea, and be OK with who I am today. Maybe I am a better person for not jumping into what I thought life should be like. For waiting to find out what God wants for me. I’m still working on learning that too. Maybe in the long run I will be a happier person for trying to figure these other things out first. Maybe I just need to slow down and let life happen. Let God take control and show me where to go. I’m working on it, but its a slow process. I’m not always sure what that means and can only hope that He will show me. I am slowly getting more positive and uplifting people in my life. I am slowly trying to find the things in my life to be happy about. A lot of people say its a choice to be happy, and I believe it is, to an extent. When you’ve been living one way your whole life though, its not necessarily a sudden choice. It is something that takes awhile and can cause you to fall many times before you get it right. Sometimes it feels like taking three steps forward and two steps back. Its not a matter of what happens when you fall but a matter of getting back up again after you fall. I’m not sure who said that but its something that I am slowly learning.

So while my dreams may not have ended up the way I thought they would. I am slowly coming to the realization, that its OK. Life is going to be OK. And I am going to be OK. I just have to be OK with it.

Love & Peace

Devin

About This Blog…

My first entry here are wordpress. I have a blog at blogger but decided to start a new blog where I can be open and honest. A blog that is not associated with me, so anyone can read it but not know who I am specifically. At this point I don’t want everyone knowing these things about me personally at this point in my life. At some point I will hopefully be able to be open about all of these thoughts and feelings, but right now I just want to get them out there. I am hoping that maybe my story can help somone else with what they are going through. That is why I have decided to hopefully start getting it out there. I am also hoping that maybe I can stay on top of this blog better then I did with my other one. When I went on their the other day, it had been a year and 8 months since I was last on there. Here I would like to keep up with it better. 

Wish me Luck,

Love & Peace

Devin

 

 

 

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