I was just told by my housemate that she was manic when she asked me live here. She is not making me move (YET) but definitely regrets it. I don’t hold it against her because i understand she was in a different state of mind. It does however hurt pretty bad. My aunt was constantly making comments that led me to believe she regretted having me move in too. She didn’t come right out and say it though. I just feel like I’m never going to be in a place where things are good. That things are always going to be a fuck-up for me. I’m tired of trying to make things better, it never works.
I was up at 330 this morning. Now it’s 530. I got a bunch of my (old school) pictures sorted through, and in the album. Through away a lot of doubles. Got other doubles organized to be sent to people, who might be interested. I have once more set that needs to go in the album. I still have a couple rolls of film that need developing. They are pretty old so probably won’t come out the best, but at least then I’ll know what’s on them. Then they can be entered into the album. After working on photos, I had a bowl of cereal and now it’s time to go back to bed for at least 4 hours.
Today, I was nonfunctional. I woke up in a funk, and was in a funk most of the day. I talked to my friend and Pastor S this evening. That helped me to see things a little differently, though I’m still funky. S said that I need to figure out what my needs are so that I can figure out how to fulfill those needs. So now I’m thinking about that, and am hoping to come up with some ideas. Maybe I’ll post them when I do.
Now it’s time to watch a show and then head to bed.
I’m trying very hard to cut back on my cigarettes. Last week I was doing better and only having half a cigarette at a time. I was smoking every couple hours, and then Saturday and Sunday I was very stressed, and now this week has been harder. So today I am trying to have one every 3 hours instead of 2. I have 23 minutes to go, so thought I would post about it. I’ve been watching Lost on Netflix, to help me get through the hours. Today is my relax day so am doing whatever it takes to make it through the hours, and keep my mind off it. It’s a struggle and something I am continuously asking God for help with. Only His strength can help me now. I can’t do this alone.
A couple of songs that help me get through my hard times.
Love & Peace