Category Archives: Relationships

Peace, Come to Me!

The last couple of days, I’ve been really good at holding on to peace. We had a “meeting” on Saturday afternoon and I did really well with it. I was able to let certain things go and look at things a little differently. One thing that has been brought up in both of our meetings, was clean-up in the kitchen after cooking. I’m not sure why exactly this was brought up as I have been really good about keeping the kitchen clean after using it. There have been a couple of times where I had forgotten to clean out the frying pan, but that is all. And lately I had been waiting for it to cool first, so would be waiting until I finished eating. That was the issue my aunt had, in our first meeting. So this morning, I went down to get breakfast, and there are a couple knives left out, the counters were not wiped up, and there was a bunch of celery in the sink. So this is very frustrating to me. I understand this is not my house, so yeah they can do whatever they like, but if you are OCD about me cleaning the kitchen, why is it not OCD for you to clean the kitchen. Then my aunt just blames my uncle, whenever it’s messy, though I’ve seen her leaving things out too and forget to clean the frying pan, but it’s always his fault. A lot of times it is like she makes him do everything just so she doesn’t have to take responsibility if something goes wrong. It’s everyone else’s fault!

So today I am trying to breathe, and let go of the anger and frustration that I feel building in my chest. I am hoping that once I get to work, I can get my mind off it too. Am asking God to give me peace.

Love & Peace
Devin

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From My Ex…

So yesterday when I got off work, I saw that I had a text with an XXX area code. I pretty much knew who it was since she is the only person that would text me with that area code. My Ex, M. She texts me roughly every 6 months, even though I told her I don’t want any contact. This time she was asking me if I wanted some pictures that she found of mine. My first thought was, “what if she actually has pictures that I didn’t get with me.” Then I thought, “No, I’m pretty sure I got all the pictures of mine.” “And if not, can I just let them go and forget about them?” Then because I always second guess my decisions, I talked to my pastor about it. While talking to S, I came to the conclusion that I really didn’t want to bring M into my life. Considering that she has a reputation of finding excuses to text me around the same time period, I could most likely be sure this was just a ploy to try and pull me back in. To kind of test the waters, I decided I would just respond with, “No Thanks.” Then depending on if or what she responded, would pretty much answer my question. Her response back, was this, “Why not? Just so you know, I have moved on. I am in a relationship. The pics are of when you went to help your grandma move.” Ah, so she really just wanted to tell me she was in a relationship. OK, well I moved on a long time ago and I didn’t need to be in a relationship to do that. Though I was the one that broke it off, so while it was hard, it was probably easier for me to move on. I was looking for brighter and better things. She was an emotional abuser and very negative. I didn’t want that toxicity in my life. Second, thankfully I already had those pictures so didn’t need to respond to that. I figured that I probably had them since we had made copies of all the pictures while we were still together. I have gone through a lot of the CDs of pictures I have, and found that there are a lot of duplicated pictures. I wasn’t too worried about them after my first response.

So after her last response, here are some things I wanted to respond back. One was to tell her what I said above, “That I had moved on and didn’t need a relationship to do it with.” And second, “So you want an award or something?” Neither of these things would have helped the situation. Now admittedly, I am very curious as to who she is in a relationship with. She was an emotional abuser, negative attitude and had poor hygiene. I’m not saying this to slander her but it’s who she was. I am really hoping that she has grown and has found someone where they can be on equal ground, and neither be abused or co-dependent. Our relationship was definitely the latter, also. So upon my curiosity, I decided to do some searching for her Facebook page. Now I had blocked her on all of mine (There was a time when I had multiples for things like Farmville). I couldn’t find her but thought maybe she had blocked me. So I started a Facebook under my fictitious name and searched but still couldn’t find her. So either she has it hidden very well or she has shut it down. It would surprise me if she shut it down because when we were together all she ever wanted to do was play Facebook games and other online games. Maybe this other person is good for her and got her away from the computer some. Who knows? I was a lot disappointed that I couldn’t find her, but it was probably for the best. Maybe it was a God thing, knowing that it was better for me not to find her. I will never know.

I said I moved on, but then admitting the above makes me wonder. We were together for 4 years though so she was a big part of my life. It’s hard to move on from that completely. Something to talk to my counselor and pastor about.

Glad to be to a better place in my life!

Love & Peace
Devin