Category Archives: Falling in Love

Dani Flashback

Wow! So last night, I had worked a 4 pm-8 pm shift. While I was sitting at the nurses station, writing my chart notes; a couple of women had come in looking for the lab diagnostic book. I had to go up and ask my med aid where it was. I found out it is stored on the Rehab side. So came back downstairs and told them this. Then they left. A few minutes later, they came back with another woman with them (they evidently couldn’t find the book). When I looked up, I swear the third woman looked just like Dani. I don’t know if it was because of how I reacted, but she almost looked like she knew me too. Then they were talking to my med aid and I went back to charting. I didn’t want to stare. Then when I glanced back up, it didn’t look so much like Dani anymore. Most everything did, but her eyes looked different. I really can’t explain it. It was SO unreal and I’ve never had something like this happen before. Now I feel the pain for her again. It is always so strong. I would think I would have gotten over her by now.

Awhile ago, I bought a book at Barnes & Noble called, List Yourself, Listmaking as the Way to Self-Discovery, by Ilene Segalove and Paul Bob Velick. Tonight I happened to pick it up and look at it some. One of the first pages I opened up too was, List What You Would Say If The One Who Got Away Showed Up In Your Room. Yikes, I have a lot I would say. I’m not sure I could get everything I would want to say out in words. Lets see what I could get out…

List What You Would Say If The One Who Got Away Showed Up In Your Room

1) I have NEVER had the strong connection, we had, with anyone else.
2) I fell in love with you the first week, when you started training me.
3) I always loved the time we spent together
4) I wanted to tell you SO badly, how I really felt, but didn’t want to ruin our friendship, by freaking you out.
5) The night you told me you were dating the other guy, felt like a sword through my heart. It was all I could do, to keep from crying. I really hoped you didn’t see the pain in my eyes.
6) I tried really hard to still be your friend after that, but it was hard. It hurt every time I saw you two together. It hurt every time you talked about all the fun things you did, like go to Hawaii together.
7) It’s better now, but every once in awhile, those memories come flooding back, and the hurt is there all over again.
8) I will never love anyone the way I loved you.

Well I think that about sums it up!

Night All
Devin

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Dani Thoughts Again

So I’ve been watching the last couple seasons of Friends on Netflix. I had the first 9 seasons on DVD and now it’s on Netflix so I can finish it there. I’ll still buy the last seasons, but for now this will work.

Anyway today I was watching the end of Season 9. One of the episodes was where Rachel was helping Joey practice his lines for Days of Our Lives. She told him to remember when he was in love, and let that help his reaction for how he was supposed to be in the show. He started describing to her about how when he loved her. One thing he said was that it was hard to see her, because he just wanted to kiss her. How it was hard being around her because of his feelings. I don’t remember word for word what he said, but it brought up a bunch of emotions about Dani. I can SO relate to what he was saying because that is how I felt about her. It was even harder to see her with her boyfriend. I think if we still hung out, I would still be feeling that way. Or if we were to start hanging out again. A lot of those feelings aren’t as strong because I don’t see her all the time, so I’m not constantly thinking about her. The feelings are obviously still there once she is in my head.

Then I start thinking about if I will EVER fall in love with someone who also loves me back. Right now it doesn’t seem possible. I don’t know if I could ever love someone like I loved her. We had such a great connection. I don’t know if that will ever happen again. I just feel so lonely sometimes. And I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life. I want to be with someone who loves me the same way I love them. I try to be patient that God has someone, somewhere for me. But sometimes it is really hard to see that.

Here’s to hoping!

Love & Peace
Devin