Category Archives: Encouragement

A Positive Day…

Last night I went to my friend N’s house to spend the night. Today was a Pray and Play church program in Portland. I spent the night at N’s so that I would already be closer and could ride with her. The big bonus to this was spending some extra one-on-one time with her, which I always enjoy. The Pray and Play was a big blessing. We had some small group activities. The pastor leading, C, always tries to get us to get into groups with people we don’t know a lot about. I ended up in a group of just me and one other person, K. I was thankful for only the two of us being in a group, and it seemed like she did too. K is a very special person and we seemed to connect well. When we first got into a group, we were sitting in front of a few women who thought they needed to talk, while C talked up front. As soon as we got a chance, K turned to me and said, “we need to move.” I was like, “Yeah, we do!” So we relocated. I then told her I wished I could say something to the women behind us, but didn’t have the guts. So we did our group activities, which focused on prayer and three women from the Bible, who saw Christ. Anna who saw HIm as an infant, The Bent Over Woman who needed healing, and the women who went to the tomb after Jesus had been risen. We then had to tie these women into our lives and talked about how we can see Christ in even small things, if we are looking. After we came back together, we again ended up sitting in front of the women who thought they needed to talk. I thought it was funny because K and I both turned at the same time and said, “Shh..” The women were quiet after that. One thing I really appreciated about K was that she had healing hands. I am the type of person that if I know you, I will put my hand on your shoulder when I talk or touch your arm. I do this a lot where I work. One resident told me I had healing hands, by doing this. It felt nice to be on the receiving side of this. It was also nice that K felt comfortable doing this, when she didn’t know me well. I will say that not everyone who does this, I feel comfortable with; but in this case, it made me feel good.

So after Pray and Play, I rode home with N, and then got my stuff and headed back to my home. When I got home, I took a nap. Then I decided I REALLY needed to stop procrastinating and mow the lawn. When I was out doing yard work the other day, I had done some pruning on the rose bushes out back, but hadn’t picked up the branches. So I needed to do that before mowing. I went over to start picking up the yard. I bent over and all of a sudden heard this, what I thought, was loud buzzing. It was really loud and I thought it was a big bug. I kind of jumped and looked to see what it was. There was a hummingbird drinking from the blueberry bush flowers. I wished I had my camera and then decided to just enjoy it while it was there, instead of stressing about having my camera. I watched it for a couple of minutes before it flew off. I got a big warm feeling in my chest as I watched it. I felt thankful that God had blessed me so much today.

Then about half an hour ago, I decided to go get the mail, as I hadn’t gotten it since Thursday. In the mail was a letter from the little boy I sponsor in Columbia. It put another big smile in my heart.

God blesses me everyday, but today I was watching and saw so many blessings. I am so thankful tonight!

Now it’s time to go take a relaxing bath and head to bed.

Nighty-Night,
Devin

Tormented

After my last post, memories started flooding in. I was getting ready to get in the shower and then head to bed. The memories were there really strong and I just started sobbing. Then I started hearing this other voice, telling me it wasn’t my fault and that I was just a child. It was seriously going back and forth. So I stood in the shower and cried for awhile. Then I got out and wrote this poem…

TORMENTED

Tonight I am tormented
Two voices in my head
One says you are worthless
I wish you were never born

The other says, No I love You
You are a child of God
My daughter that I created
You are special to me

Back and forth, they go
Which one will win
The tears of pain
That flow so heated

The flashes of memory
Over power my mind
I lean towards them
They are all that I know

But then I hear
You were only a child
It isn’t your fault
The pain that you bear

I was there then
And I am here now
To hold you close to Me
You are My Child
My Daughter, I love

02/27/15

Devin

On A Positive Note…

Tonight after dinner, at work, I was taking Resident D, to her room. She told me that I have healing hands. She asked me if I knew what that meant, and I said I had heard of it but didn’t really know. She said that she noticed, that when I talk to the residents, I put my hands on their shoulders. She said that touch is very important and can do a lot. It made me feel really good!

Then another Resident F, was excited that I was her caregiver tonight. I had also worked a morning shift and so got her up this morning. She kept saying that she was glad that I was able to get her up and put her to bed. This also made me feel really good!

Before I went back into work tonight, I was in panic mode. I was feeling defeated about my living situation. I have been feeling extremely stuck, lately. It was good that I worked this shift as it gave me a few extra hours, and God used other people to remind me that I’m a good person. And that my touch can help others feel better. I have to continue to remember that it is all in God’s plan, and in His time.

I keep asking God, what it is, I’m supposed to be learning here. I’m trying to hear His voice, but sometimes, it is REALLY hard. I am so quick to hear my complaints and negative thoughts. It’s hard to open up to what He is trying to tell me. Sometimes I wonder if I even know how to hear His voice, when it’s not obvious.

Still in progress…

Love & Peace
Devin

30-Day Challenge

So when I am in my car, the radio is always tuned to Christian Music. I usually have it on K-Love. Sometimes if I am driving out in the boonies and the radio isn’t coming in, I will have it on whatever station comes in, which means that it’s not always Christian. This is very seldom though, so I’m not counting it as a big deal in this post. I am very seldom in my car for any length of distance, now that my work is two minutes up the road. So I will hear one, maybe two songs on my ride. One thing that K-Love talks about a lot is their 30-day Challenge, to listen to ONLY Christian music for 30 days. I’ve thought it would be nice to do but never felt REALLY led to do it. Lately I have been SO depressed and I don’t know what to do to get out of it. I’ve been asking God to show me how to have a relationship with Him. I will do my morning devotional, but then it feels like it stops there. I want more but don’t know how to get it. Sometimes I pray during the day but it’s not a regular thing, at least I don’t see that it is. Anyway, so today, I was getting ready to do some cleaning. A lot of times when I clean, I listen to Pandora on shuffle. I have Christian music stations on here but the majority is not. So today I decided to put it on shuffle but only mark the Christian music stations. Then as I was thinking about this, I decided to do the 30-day Challenge. This wasn’t something I felt strongly led to do, but is a choice I am making based on where I’ve been emotionally lately. I am hoping that this can reinforce some positive outlooks, that I haven’t believed recently. Maybe by doing this I can find some MUCH needed encouragement.

I am trying to figure out the line between this and movies though. I’m not ready to give up movies but then doesn’t that have the negative force with it too? Unless it’s a spiritual movie. I’m not sure how to do this one yet, will have to contemplate some more. My main concern on the movie thing, is that some days, I can sit and watch movies all day. Somewhere in there I need to fit the positive stuff too. Most movies I normally watch aren’t positive. Most of them are pretty dark.

Will keep you posted!

Love & Peace
Devin