I couldn’t think of a post for M. So am not following protocol tonight. A friend of mine called me today to tell me a secret and it made me think of this memory from over 10 years ago.
I was working in the deli at a grocery store. There was this really cute guy who stocked the Pepsi. Every day when he came in, he would flirt with me. Then one day, he asked me to go out for dinner after work, to which I said yes. So we went to this sit down restaurant across from the grocery store. We sat, ate, and talked. I thought he was funny and charming. I enjoyed talking to him and couldn’t wait to get to know him better. Little did I know, that was going to happen sooner then later. After dinner, we were walking out of the restaurant. There were two sets of doors. There was a woman with a baby in a baby carrier, coming in, as we were walking out. I figured I’d let her walk in the door on my left, and I went to go out the door on the right. As we walked out, she walked up to me and said, “hi, I’m S’s wife.” And shook my hand. I froze. I didn’t know what to say, so just walked out to my car. She started yelling and swearing at him. I got in my car and left. The next day I went up to him and asked him why he didn’t tell me he was married. He said he forgot. Yeah, right! Anyways, you would think that would be the end of the story. At some point I forgave him, and agreed to hang out with him another time. This time he had me to his house. I didn’t plan on anything sexual happening, I was just going to hang out with him. I guess I enjoyed his attention, even though it wasn’t right. Nothing sexual did happen, instead his wife came home, while I was there. She started yelling at him, and calling me a whore. I went and got in my car and as I drove off, she started kicking and throwing milk cartons at my car. I high tailed it out of there, and never went back. Now looking back, I can’t help but wonder if he didn’t invite me over on purpose because he knew she would be coming home. I’m thinking he wanted to make her jealous. And how could she have known we were at that restaurant if he didn’t tell her or someone who would tell her? I wonder if the whole thing wasn’t planned to make her pissed.
So there’s my memory.
Hey Memory is for M! Maybe I wrote a M post after all! LOL
Lost. Lame. Lackadaisical. Lousy. Limited. These are all feelings I have been dealing with lately. I’m tired. Tired of talking. Tired of trying. Tired of failing. There’s no energy left. I just want to be done.
Just as a side note: I’m not suicidal and am in no way planning on hurting myself or anyone else. Just feeling very lost right now.
This month, I paid off one of my student loans. I just got an email from the company, confirming, “PAID IN FULL”! YAY! It feels SO good to read that. I still have two more student loans that I am working on. Slowly whittling them down. It’s a long process, especially when I’m not getting a lot of hours at work, but I’m slowly getting there. I also paid off one of my collections a couple months ago. Working on one other medical bill that is in collections. It will be nice when I can see the light at the end of these tunnels too.
My brain has been preoccupied lately, and I’ve been having a very hard time coming up with good alphabet posts. Tonight after not being able to come with something, I decided to find a song that starts with K. One of the songs on the list I found, was Kiss This by Aaron Tippin. I picked this song, because its one of the only songs I actually like by Aaron Tippin. In reality, this post is actually more about Aaron Tippin and a concert, then the song. But the song is what reminded me of the experience, so I feel I can use it as an introduction to my story.
So in 2006- 2007, I was working as a night staffing coordinator for a company, staffing hospitals and nursing homes. One woman, K who worked for us, and I started talking a lot on the phone. I didn’t really know her besides this, but she invited me to come to her town during a county fair. Aaron Tippin was going to be there in concert, and we planned on going to the concert. We got to the concert, and a radio station was set up, with VIP raffle tickets. We didn’t have to pay anything, just write our names down. It was a complete surprise when my name was called. I’d never really won anything like this before. Since my name was drawn, K and I got to go behind the scenes and meet Aaron Tippin. I got a CD autographed and a picture with him. Then afterwards we went and watched the concert. We had a lot of fun, That was the only time K and I really hung out. After that we talked on the phone at work, and then just kind of stopped talking.
So as I was writing this post, I remembered that it’s actually still Sunday, in my time zone, which is the day we are off from the A to Z Blogging Challenge. So I’m technically ahead of my schedule but right on schedule for those of you that are hours ahead of me.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday!
Last night was a night of insomnia. First I didn’t feel like going to bed early (which I’m trying to get in the habit of), then when I did go to bed, I couldn’t sleep. One reason was because my brain was going, and the other reason is because I kept coughing. I had been asked to come in at 10 am today, to cover the last half of a shift for a coworker. When she called me yesterday, she sounded horrible on the phone. I couldn’t figure out why she only wanted me to cover half her shift. Today though, I was very thankful that she only wanted half her shift covered. Had she wanted me to cover the whole shift, I would have only gotten a couple hours of sleep. After work, we had a work meeting, so I didn’t get out of there until about 330 pm. While we were sitting in the meeting, I felt like the sandman had visited. I started to feel really tired. After work though, I had to go to the pharmacy and had a couple glitches, that took a bit longer then I had expected. By the time I got home it was WAY to late to take a nap. So now I am sitting here, trying to stay awake for just a bit longer. I am thinking I will go enjoy my LAST cigarette, and then start heading to bed.
So last night, I had cravings for about two hours, and said screw it, and went and bought a pack of smokes. I had gone to get the rest of the prescriptions I needed yesterday and had hoped to pick up the nicotine patches my doctor prescribed. The pharmacy said they were out, and would have more today. When I went in there, I found out, they actually aren’t caring the dose I was prescribed. They went and pulled them off the shelf in the store, and I got them that way. Then I had to pay out of pocket for the tessalon perles, for my cough because Oregon Health Plan wouldn’t cover them again, until the 18th. Ummm…I’m coughing NOW! Anyway they were only $14.99 (or so), and then I had a pharmacy discount card which brought them down to $10 something. Anyway back to my original point, I am starting the patch tomorrow. I bought a pack of smokes, the type that some coworkers smoke and gave the rest to them. I save two out for this evening. After the last one I am DONE smoking, and can start with the patch tomorrow, to help with my cravings.
I am hoping that since i am SO tired, and after I take a warm shower or bath (haven’t decided which yet), that I will be able to sleep all night. If I take the tessalon perles, that should help with my coughing.
It’s time to eat. I am working night shift tonight. I am trying to figure out what to eat before I go in, but I don’t feel like cooking. Nothing really interests me right now. I’m hungry, just not interested in figuring it out. Maybe I’ll just have some oatmeal and fruit. I will be taking a snack with me, in case I get hungry at work, but need to also eat before hand.
Wow, it’s been an emotional roller coaster the last couple of days. It took me awhile to get to sleep last night, so I slept in late this morning. Then I woke up, still very emotional and depressed. I didn’t feel like doing anything. Then my aunt, came in and talked to me about some stuff that she was planning for the day. Then she went back to the other room for awhile. Then probably not quite a half hour later she came back, and asked if I wanted to go with her. My brain went through a really quick process of, “no, I just really want to sit here and do nothing.” To saying, “yeah, let me take a quick shower and I’ll go with you.” My mind was thinking, maybe that will help me get out of this funk. So I went with her, and feel a bit better now. I still don’t feel like doing to much and am going to relax the rest of the day. Then tomorrow I can tackle the hours I need to do this week.
I also canceled my appointment with my counselor and am just doing a phone call with my pastor this week. Just not feeling up to doing much, though I am going to go to my friend D’s house, later this week. We haven’t spent a lot of time together in a LOOOONG time, so this will be really nice.
Today I bought some gum and Mentos to help with the cravings. I am hoping this will help me. Last night after church I really wanted a cigarette, so smoked one when I got home. I smoked my last one about 5 minutes ago. They are gone, which takes away that temptation. Now any cravings will have to be fixed with gum, Mentos or sunflower seeds.
Climbing UP the Mountain!