Attacked By BPD

A lot of times that I talk about the thoughts BPD causes, I will say MY BPD. I need to stop claiming it as mine. From now on I want to try and say that I’m being attacked by BPD or BPD thoughts.

Today I’m being attacked by these thoughts. There’s a little back story so I will put that first. While I was in the hospital, I meant someone pretty special. D, is a 38 yr old male. As soon as he was admitted I had a major crush on him. I never thought we would connect and hit it off so well. We both have our own issues to work on, so have talked about the next year. We have decided we will work on ourselves for a year and then see where we are. We will still be friends during this time. We will work on getting to know each other as friends, and see where it leads from there. We have both been in some pretty shitty relationships and want to do this one right. I don’t know how I will last a year, but it will probably go by faster, then I think it will, now.

So that brings me to those evil BPD thoughts. I talked to D last night, and then he had to go as his aunt was calling and it was long distance. He said he would call me right back but didn’t. Then this morning I called him before my group therapy started, and he answered and then said he had to make a quick phone call and would call me right back. He still hasn’t called me back. So the BPD thoughts attack hard. They tell me that he doesn’t really like me, or that I must have said or done something wrong. I try to attack the BPD thoughts back, by voicing reality. Reality is that he has a lot of crap going on in his life too. Reality is that he probably just got busy with things in his life. Reality is that it probably has nothing to do with me. He lives with his mom right now and is using her phone. Reality could be that he is unable to use her phone for awhile. There are a lot of different realities it could be. Most of them probably have absolutely nothing to do with me.

Reality is real. BPD thoughts are lies and falsehoods. They should not, under any circumstances, be believed. They are only trying to get in my head and tell me bad things about myself. These bad things are most likely NOT reality.




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