So overall today was a fairly good day! Once I got to work and through my 4 hour shift, I was feeling better. I came home and took a nap, and then had to go to a work meeting. Work is just up the road, so not to far. Things were going pretty well. I felt like I was climbing out of the pit.
Now I’m just pissed though. Work meetings are hard because it’s a big reminder of how I’m NOT like the rest of the coworkers. In reality, it shouldn’t be a bad thing, but a lot of times it feels like it is. I don’t feel understood, and don’t feel like I know how to understand or relate to them. I am an empath, and as far as I can tell none of them are. It’s frustrating when a resident is dealing with depression or anxiety and everyone is complaining about how it is in their head or a behavior issue. And I can’t say anything to the contrary because they don’t know about me, and probably wouldn’t listen to me anyway. I don’t connect with any of them really, and it’s frustrating. I don’t have any friends in this area and that is hard too. All of my friends are 40 mins or so away. I can’t just go hang out when I want to. Living at my aunt and uncles has become extremely stressful and I spend most of my time in my room. Unless I am getting food or doing the cleaning I do each week for them, that is where I stay. Sometimes I feel very isolated. I don’t have money to go out though, so can’t just leave.
The other reason I am pissed is because we got our schedules today. Last month, I had 12 full day-shifts and the rest were half days. This month, I only had 8 full day-shifts and the rest half days, and now next month only 6 full day-shifts. I have told them I need more hours, but I’m actually getting less. It has been obvious for quite awhile that I am no longer welcome at my Aunt and Uncles. It is like my Aunt is trying to piss me off, so I move and then she doesn’t have to kick me out and be the bad guy. I was REALLY hoping to have more hours this next month, so I could find a new place to live. Now her family is coming at the end of March, and I will get to hear the whole month about how her family would be staying in the guest room if it wasn’t occupied. She already told me that two weeks ago, at our “meeting” we had. It’s obvious she doesn’t want me here but what am I supposed to do if I don’t have the money?
I’ve been praying for God to take care of this and obviously my time isn’t His time. I don’t know how much longer I can take it though. It’s really hard living somewhere, where you aren’t wanted. It’s hard to be isolated to one room of the house, and no where to go, to get a break once in awhile.
I just feel like I’m stuck without any options…AGAIN!