Feeling Loved!

So after being SO depressed yesterday, I still didn’t have the energy to go to church today. There are days when I’m down and don’t want to go, but will still attend. Today the idea of getting off work at 2pm, rushing home for a quick nap, shower and then to drive 40 minutes to church, to get there by 5pm, was extremely overwhelming. So I decided I needed to just stay home and do nothing tonight. One reason I haven’t looked for another church just because it’s closer, is because I work most Sundays and then can still go to church in the evening. Another reason is the idea of trying a new church by myself is overwhelming. My church is small and we meet in member’s homes, so it wasn’t quite as intimidating to me at first. Anyway, back to my story. So tonight I didn’t go to church. Normally, I would text someone and tell them I wasn’t coming. Usually my Pastor/Friend S or friend D. Anyway, tonight I guess I kind of wanted them to worry about me. I wanted to know that someone cared about me, and even if that made them mad that I didn’t let them know, I didn’t care. And I know this sounds really bad, but I think it is still the BPD showing it’s ugly head right now. So I didn’t text. After a little bit S texted me and said she was missing me. Then D also texted and said she missed me and hoped everything was alright. I responded to both saying I was tired and had a hard last couple of days. After Church, S texted me and asked if she could call. I said she could. So she called and then passed the phone around to the rest of my church family. It was very uplifting to hear everyone’s voices and to hear that they missed me and were thinking of me. Quite a few said they loved me and missed my hugs. My Pastor’s husband who is also a pastor, told me that he was proud of me, for taking care of myself today. It was nice to get the validation. So even though I’m tired and still feeling a bit off, I will be going to bed tonight, knowing I am loved and cared for. I really needed that phone call tonight! S has no idea, what it REALLY meant to me.

Love & Peace
Devin

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