Sorry it’s been awhile again since I’ve written. A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks. About 2-3 weeks ago, I deactivated my Facebook account. I was feeling the need for a much required break. So I sent my info to a few people who I wanted to keep in contact with and posted that I would be leaving for a little while and then a week later, I deactivated my account. Not sure how long I will be gone, or if I will come back, but will play it by ear.
Last week was a rough one emotionally. We lost two residents at work and I am still getting used to the death part. It was the main reason I didn’t want to be a caregiver. I get way to attached too easily, and then have to hold myself together until I can get to a private place and let it out. I have always had a hard time with that. The two residents we lost, I wasn’t as close too, and I don’t know what is going to happen when one passes that I am close too. It’s going to be really hard!
I have been attending this mindfulness class at the same place, where my counseling is. This last Monday, our exercise was to meditate on a stressful situation and think about how we could step back and respond to it differently. At first I went through some stressful situations that didn’t really click. Then I came to one I thought I had dealt with. With everything going on, I felt really emotional and had a hard time holding it together. After the exercise, there was a big ball of emotion on my chest and I didn’t talk the whole class, for fear of loosing it. After class, I booked it to my car and cried on the way home. Then I got home and was still emotional and cried myself to sleep. Tuesday I had off from work, thankfully, and woke up still feeling emotional. I had called my friend M, and talked to her some but then she went into her stuff, so that didn’t help much. Then later in the day, I talked to my Pastor even though we had a time set to talk on Thursday. That helped a lot and I was able to get past the emotional part of the week.
I have also been missing Wyatt A LOT the last couple of weeks, which has added to my loneliness and emotional state.
Now I have today off and am doing a bunch of cleaning and then I work again tomorrow for 5 days in a row. I have hope that this coming week will be a much better one!
Love & Peace