There is so much in my mind, I can’t put all here of what happened. All I know is that I am extremely depressed. This weekend was emotional and not a lot of sleep. Last night I took 2 Benadryl, which helped with the sleep. This morning, however, I woke up extremely depressed. I don’t feel suicidal or like I want to cut, but in a way I wish I could go to the hospital just so that I could check out for awhile. Things come with that, though, that I don’t want. 1)Medications. 2) Embarrassment. 3)Big Bills that I can’t pay. 4)I have to be able to file my unemployment claim and look for work, neither of which I can do at the hospital. I am so antsy and unsettled, that I need to get out of here. I really need to go to the beach or something. I’m going crazy, and am afraid that if something doesn’t change soon, the temptation of self harm will be there. I don’t want it to come back.
The other part is that where my brain is right now, I can’t pray or read my Bible. I am hoping that God can read my heart and will know what I need. Right now I can’t do it for myself.
Thanks for Listening.