I Just Feel LIke Crying

I got back a little while ago from visiting Wyatt. He was SO very excited to see me, and jumped up and down. We went for some good walks over the weekend. Not very long ones but long enough. We went farther Saturday noonish, but a big, black dog came out of one of the neighboring yards, just past the usual turn around point. Because of the dog bite I received last August, any large dog, unsupervised and barking, makes me nervous. The big dog came out but we had passed far enough that he didn’t follow. He stayed out in road for awhile, so we continued farther, hoping he would go back to his yard. Finally Wyatt wanted to cross the road, so we headed back. I started praying that God would send the dog home. I really didn’t want to have to deal with another big dog. Finally, I saw the dog go back towards his yard. Then when we got back to that area, I saw a black cat in the ditch on the other side of the road. So I’m not sure if it was the dog I was seeing the whole time or the cat too. My eyesight isn’t good from a distance, so I’m not sure. I did thank God though that the dog had gone away by the time we got back to the area.

So the weekend went fairly well. I got some great snuggles from Wyatt. He slept by me at night, which was nice. This morning, after taking my shower, I took everything out to the car. I let Wyatt come out with me so he could pee, as I wasn’t ready to leave yet. As soon as I opened the door to go out, he bee lined it to my car, like “OK, Mom! Lets go!” I put my stuff in the car and waited for him to explore a bit and do his business. Then we went back inside for a bit. I laid on the couch with Wyatt for a little bit and was feeling some anxiety so decided it was time to get it over with. I got ready and took Wyatt for another walk. Then when I came back in, talked for a little bit longer before leaving.

While I was sitting on the couch talking to J&L. Wyatt was sitting on my lap. I was petting him and then all of a sudden he jumped down and went over to J. J started giving him some pets. Wyatt was looking at me with this really sad expression in his eyes. I felt like since he went to J, it was a good time for me to go. I got up and petted Wyatt good bye. And then said my other good byes and left. I cried most of the way back to town, which is roughly an hour and a half drive. I kept picturing his sad eyes. I made a connection on the way back to town which was this. When I moved from WI to OR, my brother J was about 7 yrs old, and I was about 23. He had those same sad eyes, and I felt horrible for leaving him behind. I felt the same way today, when I left Wyatt.

I then went to my friend T&D’s house before church. It was good to have that distraction after leaving Wyatt. Then at 5pm, I went to church. There were quite a few times where I felt like I just wanted to cry during church. I also always enjoy singing but tonight just didn’t have the energy. I just listened to everyone else sing instead.

I got home a little before 9pm tonight. G&C were home and in their bedroom, doing some work on their laptop. I said hi and told them how my weekend was before taking my stuff to my room. I then went back to ask them how their weekend had been. G had been gone all week for work so I haven’t seen him in awhile. I went into their room and asked them if they were busy. C said, “Yes! But…” So I asked them how their weekends were and then said goodnight. I feel a lot like she is too busy for me to talk. I really just wanted to talk some. Not necessarily about specifics but I guess I just wanted some validation or something. I don’t really know what I wanted. I just feel kind of emotionally lost right now, and felt like I needed something….

L sent me a message and said that Wyatt did OK when I left. He whined a little but not much, and then went and sat on the couch where I had been sitting.

That is all for this post…

Love & Peace
Devin

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