Sorry its been so long since I posted. Been trying to get settled and keep my head on straight. On the 18th of March, all of my stuff was moved to where it’s being stored. I stayed with the people storing my stuff until Friday the 21st of March, when I moved to my aunt and uncles. And I’ve been here since. Its better then I thought it would be, but certain things are still hard.
Last Monday I had a job interview. It was a job at a residential working with autistic adults. I thought I would enjoy this type of work and could have seen myself doing this type of work. Today I finally called back, because I hadn’t heard anything. They got someone else to fill the position, but promised to call if anything else came up.
Now I’m discouraged again. I’m trying so hard to have the positive attitude and faith in God, but its just not enough. To make things worse I feel so alone right now. I had a good text conversation with Pastor D, but otherwise no one has said much about it. I finally told my aunt and uncle about it at dinner but they didn’t say much about it. G brought me a Guidepost magazine later with an article about confidence. Which I read and it made sense. G and I had a really good conversation last night after I came home, about the fact that I’m thinking about being a minister, faith, and addictions. It was nice talking to him about those things. I’ve talked to my aunt about a lot of those things in the past and it was nice to hear his thoughts too. After dinner, I was watching Netflix in the family room, and C. came down to get some snacks, and didn’t say a word to me. I was hoping she would ask me how I was doing. Right now I really just need someone to see how I am. I could use a hug too.
I really want my own place again. It is so hard feeling this way, when you live with other people. At my own place, I could just bawl and sob if I wanted too. No one would hear me. Here when I cry, I have to do it silently. Its really hard to get it all out, when you have to worry about being quiet. It wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t so worried about crying in front of people, but I find it so embarrassing. I don’t want people to see my emotions. Sometimes I can’t keep it in, and it just comes out. But I try VERY hard to keep under control.
Also, if I had my own place I would have my pup again. He always gave me kisses and snuggles when I was sad. This was always comforting. That’s another thing. I miss him SO much! I am probably going to try and go see him in a couple of weekends. That will be good AND EMOTIONAL!
Well I think that is about all for now.
Love & Peace