It’s Not OK…

So the weekend after I first got fired from my job, I was talking to a friend about the situation. Yes, I was a little down about the situation, as you can imagine. I was told that I needed to stop wallowing in it. It took me about a week but I finally kind of pulled myself out of the depression. I was doing really well until this last week, and as I posted before, it really started to hit yesterday. So today I had to go and sit in a 2 1/2 hr resume workshop. I had woken up in a really bad place as far as my anxiety and being overwhelmed. I felt like I would just start bawling at any minute, which I’ve been doing a lot of lately. Then I had to go sit at this workshop when I was already not in a good place. The workshop overwhelmed me even more, because of all the information. It also stressed me out more because of the fact that I have no clue, what kind of job I WANT to do. So by the end, I just had to get out of there. I called the same friend as above. I mentioned the fact, that I have to move so far away. Her response was, “that’s OK.” Not, “It will be OK,” but “it’s OK.” I said, “No, its not OK.” And that was it. But this is what I want to yell out when people tell me things like its going to be OK. I want to yell, “NO, it’s not OK! It doesn’t feel OK! The fact that my life is going to be in three separate locations. The fact that I am going to be living with an aunt who treats her husband like he’s stupid and doesn’t give him any credit. An aunt who can’t stand my dog, so much as to say it in front of other people on multiple occasions. Its like insulting someone’s child. It hurts and offends me! I’m going to be a distance from all my friends and the area I know. The fact that while I’m living with my aunt and uncle, my dog, my baby, will be 2 1/2 hours away from me. I don’t know how he’s going to do and am SO worried that it won’t work out. And if it doesn’t, I won’t have anywhere else for him to go. The fact that all of my stuff will be stored in yet another total location, closer to where I’m living now, then where I will be moving too. And I’m sorry if I’m not exactly on top of the world, but what do you really expect? Why can’t you understand, I just need you to listen to me instead of trying to tell me what to do or how to fix it? Just please let me poor out my heart to you and cry on your shoulder, instead of trying to tell me its going to be OK. Because unless you have been in this situation, you cannot understand how my heart feels like it is going to totally be ripped out of my chest when my pup is put into the other vehicle to go to his new home, no matter how temporary it may be. You can never know what is going on inside of me right now. So don’t tell me again, that it will be OK! You don’t know that, any more then I do!”

I had to get that out of my head. Devin


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s