Procrastination. Wow, I live by that. I’ve been procrastinating all day on writing. Except for this morning when I checked the weather before taking my pup out, and seeing an email from my aunt that needed responding too; I’ve even been avoiding the computer. I knew after last night, I needed to write before doing anything else on the computer, so avoided it. Why do I procrastinate so much? I love to write, have a lot to write about, and want to write. Instead, I procrastinate. Why? I think this can be asked in other parts of my life too and probably yours as well. We have stuff we love to do, but we don’t do it. We put it off. If we love it, it seems like it would be the other way around. That we would put all of our extra time, doing the things we love. So why don’t we? I think for me as far as writing goes, I’m afraid of failure; and maybe success too. I am self analyzing more on this one.
Impatience. I tried to do what my friend suggested last night. I sat at the computer, closed my eyes and breathed slowly. I didn’t last very long. I grew impatient the second I started this. I’ve never been one to meditate in the past either. I’ve tried a couple of times, and also grew impatient. I know I need to do it more often for it to really work, I just don’t. I don’t know how to take the time to do it. Maybe I’m afraid of doing it wrong. I can, however, put on some really relaxing music and go into a happy place that way. I can picture my happy place and be there. But the other way just doesn’t happen fast enough for me. Maybe I need to research it more and figure out exactly what I’m doing. I also need to figure out exactly what makes me grow impatient.
Anxiety. I’ve been feeling kind of anxious lately. I’m feeling anxiety about the move, being away from my dog and finding a job. I’m worried about things not working out the way I want them too. As I wrote that I realized that’s part of the problem. I’m worrying about how I want things to be; not what God has planned for me. And that shouldn’t be something to worry about. He has a plan for me and I need to have faith in that. I just want March to be over with so that I can be moved and things can be settled. I think part of my problem is that I’m not looking forward to moving in with family. I am thankful, I have that option; but I am very independent. I like my own place and my own space. I’m 30, and hate the fact that I have to move in with people because I can’t make it on my own. I also really hate the fact that I have to be separated from Wyatt. Its going to be really hard on both of us. I feel worse for him though as he doesn’t understand that this is only a temporary thing. I am worried that he will think I’ve abandoned him. I know, dogs don’t understand to that degree. I think they do. People can’t for sure tell what a dog does or does not understand.
March hurry and be over!
Love & Peace Devin