Tonight I was sitting in church and I had an epiphany. I’m not sure why I had it tonight or why in church. The way I recall it, there was nothing on the subject to cause me to have it. And I hadn’t really been thinking about this at least consciously, today, that I recall. So my epiphany was this: before I lost my job, I had prayed for time and motivation to write. Working forty hours a week is exhausting for me. I don’t know what its like for everyone else, but for me, I feel exhausted. I have no energy or motivation at the end of the day. The beginning of the day is spent getting ready for work. When I get home, I just want to sit down and watch a movie or something. Then on my days off, one day is spent doing things like laundry, dishes and other work. The other day, is spent sleeping, going to church and spending the time with my pup. So I kept asking God to help me out. Tonight I realized that now that I’m not working, and have a lot more time, I’m not writing. I doubt this is why I was meant to loose my job, but I now I have all this time and I’m not doing with it what I should be doing.
Its hard right now because at this point in my life, sitting down and writing by hand doesn’t work. Its easier for me to type it out. My laptop went bottom up on me awhile back. My desktop is missing something and a lot of the programs aren’t working correctly, including the word program. Now that I’m without a job, I feel guilty spending money to fix my laptop. I need it for my bills and things I need to start saving for. I am continuing to pray about this, because I need some other options or something. For some reason lately, I keep picturing an old time typewriter. That would be cool but not as convenient as the laptop and I would have to figure out where to set it up. Plus when I move to my aunt’s, I don’t know how that would work.
This is what my ideal writing situation would look like. I would have my laptop or another well-working laptop. I would go sit at the local sit down restaurant and order a bite to eat. Evening and nights are better for me then mornings,so I would probably go in at about 8pm or so. Get my food and start typing for the next four hours or so. Then I would type until I ran out of things to say. I could just type about nonchalant things or write a story. Whatever came to heart. I would do this three or four times a week. Maybe I could get past my only journal phase and actually come up with some good stuff again. I feel like I’ve lost my creativity as I used to write a lot of stuff when I was in high school. I guess I became an adult and life hit.
So I am now working on this. A Facebook friend has suggested that I make myself write every day before I do anything else on the computer. She also suggested being present with myself first. I’ve never tried this and will see how it goes. Will keep you updated.
Love & Peace