Update…

So just thought I would send out an update. Last week, I had lost my job. At first I didn’t want to tell anyone in my family. I was embarrassed and felt shame because of the job loss. I didn’t even post it on Facebook. My church family knew though, because I knew they would be supportive. So this last Tuesday, I went into the bank to get some cash out. I happened to mention to the teller that I had lost my job. She asked me where I had worked and why I got fired. I told her, and then told her I could still work for the company, just not the department but that I was embarrassed to work in the same facility because I knew everyone there. She told me that I shouldn’t be embarrassed because I wasn’t fired on performance but because I was sick. She said I should hold my head high and then demonstrated by holding her head high. I barely made it to my car before I burst into tears. I thought about the conversation though throughout the day and then decided to go ahead and post it on Facebook. I hid my post from my parents and a couple other people though as I wasn’t quite ready for them to know. I have talked to an Aunt C and Uncle G, who I am really close too. They have offered to let me come and live with them for awhile. I have to find a place for my dog though. So that is my prayer now. It has to be a special place because he is crazy and not fond of anyone besides me. He’s a chihuahua mix, so has that mentality. Anyways, so I have a place to go. I have filed my unemployment, and am waiting for the results. Then I will apply for food stamps. Things are slowly coming together. I am reading my Bible and praying more. I am reading the story of Job right now. There was a point in Job’s life where he wished God would just end his life. I feel that way sometimes when I’m going through things, so I can relate to Job a lot. I will say that during this period of time, I’ve done a lot better. I haven’t felt the need to hurt myself which is major progress. There might be a fleeting thought but that’s all. Also on Friday, I went and helped my Aunt C with some cleaning to get ready for a family dinner, which was yesterday. My Aunt C has a very high faith. She has had some difficulties in life and has overcome them. We talk about God and faith a lot and I really enjoy our conversations. So Friday evening we talked about faith in regards to my situation now. On my way home, I was listening to my christian music on the radio. I was thinking about the day and time with my Aunt and Uncle. I all of a sudden got a really warm feeling and I knew I was loved. Not just in a human sense but in a Godly sense too. Then I woke up yesterday with a couple really positive songs in my head that I sang all day. It was a really good change from how things have been in the past. I have really been praying that God will transform me. I think this is proof that He is answering my prayer.

Well now it is time for me to get ready to head to my friend’s and then to church.

Love & Peace

Devin

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OK, God, Now What?!?!?

I lost my job yesterday. They fired me, or parted ways of employment, was their wording. I can still work for the company just not in that department. I went to a friend’s house yesterday but today I’m home and feeling a little sorry for myself. I am just not sure where to turn from here. I’m sure God has a plan for me, that’s what I’ve been told. Its what I want to believe, but why I did I have to loose my job to see it? Why couldn’t He have directed me in another way while I was still working? Or better yet, directed me that way before I got this last job in the first place? What at this job did I need to move on, but that I only need 6 months of?
Now yes loosing this position was partly my fault and partly bad luck. You are allowed 5 chances in a year. When you are in your introductory period, you are allowed 4. Your introductory period is 180 days. If you call in sick or are late, these count as occurrences. I got 4 in my 180 days. My 4th one was on the 180th day so it still counted against me. I was sick. I was hoping that since my 6 months was up, it would be OK. This is a hospital I worked in. I was not going to go work around patients sick. Its a catch 22. I was never late. I was always way early and then I clocked in on time. I did well at my job. The patients seemed to like me as well as most of the nurses. It didn’t matter! I can still work for the hospital just not in that department.
So now I am trying to figure out what God wants. I am trying to have faith that He is there with me. Last night I went to reading some Psalms before bed. I found Psalms 145. It goes as follows…
Psalms 145
A psalm of praise. Of David.

1 I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
2 Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.

3 Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
4 One generation commends your works to another;
they tell of your mighty acts.
5 They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.[b]
6 They tell of the power of your awesome works—
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
7 They celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

8 The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.

9 The Lord is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.
10 All your works praise you, Lord;
your faithful people extol you.
11 They tell of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might,
12 so that all people may know of your mighty acts
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.

The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises
and faithful in all he does.[c]
14 The Lord upholds all who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
15 The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.
16 You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

17 The Lord is righteous in all his ways
and faithful in all he does.
18 The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
20 The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.

21 My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.
This is the link I found to post it here. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%20145

Awhile ago, I read an article (not sure where) about a woman who was going through addiction. She had gotten a notebook and started writing Bible texts in it to carry with her. This helped her fight the battle of addiction. I liked that idea and found a small journal I could carry with me. I wrote some texts in it but then set it aside. Last night, I brought it back out and added Psalms 145. I am hoping to add more to it and actually carry it with me. That way I can reference to it when I’m fighting depression and doubts.

So now my question is OK, God, Now What? I don’t have the faintest idea of what to look for in work so God will have to show me. There has to be hope out there for me.

Love & Peace
Devin

My Blessings…

So I was thinking today that I need to put a positive post in here. I have a lot of posts that could be kind of depressing and thought its time for a positive post. So I thought I would post about those blessings in my life.

1. Uplifting friends and family
2. My pup Wyatt
3. A roof over my head
4. A car
5. A job (schedule, fulltime, benefits, positive atmosphere)
6. An awesome Church Family
7. Food in my cupboard

There are so many things I can be thankful for that God has given me. I need to focus on those more, and less on the negative stuff. Its a process but it happens a lot more now then it used too.  

Love & Peace
Devin