Still Alive…

Hello,

I just wanted everyone to know that I am still alive. I have been in a place I haven’t been in a long time. Very depressed and with no interests whatsoever. At least before I was hospitalized, I was still interested in posting and stuff, but even that has gone away. I will try to post every so often until I get out of this slump.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Devin

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Feeling Like A Failure…

I just called my Dad for Father’s Day. We had a nice talk. He told me though, that my brother and his girlfriend just bought a house. He also told me that my brother is trying to start his own Roofing business. My brother is 4 1/2 years younger then me. I am 31 and barely surviving. I woke up depressed this morning because of some triggering dreams. The transitional housing fell through, for now. I might be able to do it in the future but for now, it’s not an option. This has created more tension here, as my roommates really want me out. Almost every time I go upstairs she asks me if I’ve been looking or found anything out yet. I’m just really depressed and need to talk to someone but don’t know who to talk too. Lately I just haven’t had the energy to blog. I would say my mood is about a 2 this morning.

Devin

God’s Protection & My Job

Tonight I was driving home from Recovery Group, and the sun was really bright in my eyes. I’m guessing it was for this other person too. Anyway, this car in front of me stopped at a green light. Had I not gotten over to my right, I would have rear ended them. When I got over though, I didn’t even think to check my blind spot, and another car went around me and honked. I am thankful that God gave me fast reflexes but also the other car who honked at me.

I am done with the computer training now. It took me 2 1/2 days to get it all finished. Today was my first day on the floor. It was good and actually went fairly fast. At least, once I got past the first two hours where I was trying to stay awake. So far, everyone is so friendly at this community. It’s very refreshing! I am thankful for this job.

I will also be moving soon. Either this weekend or next week. I will be moving into a transitional housing program. It is coming together and I know God is in the works.

And now it’s time for bed. I was going to take a 30 minute nap when I got home, but it ended up being at least an hour. I couldn’t believe I slept that long but my body needed it. And I still feel tired and ready for bed now.

Night all and God bless!
Devin

First Full Day Of Work…

Yesterday was my first full day of work. It wasn’t to bad, except that I have two days worth of computer training, which I started yesterday. I was doing computer modules all day. By the end of the day, my brain felt like it was going to explode. I was so glad to come home. I have another day like that today. I am hoping to finish it today. The morning won’t be bad. Yesterday, I went through the morning fast. Then lunch hit, and it was all over after that. And by 5 O’clock, my brain was going at a snails pace. Everyone at work so far is really nice and caring. Of course I thought that at my other care giving job too. Though this just feels different.

Since I was overloaded last night, I didn’t have a post in me, but thought I would post this morning, to keep everyone updated.

Love & Peace
Devin

Drug Test>>>NEGATIVE!

The drug test is figured out. There was a small amount of codeine, which I still don’t know where it came from. I wouldn’t think poppy seeds would would come up as codeine. Anyway, it was a small enough amount that they were able to count it as negative. So I go in for orientation today, and start the computer stuff tomorrow. It sounds like they are going to train me right away to be med tech, which will give me an extra dollar an hour. I am excited for this new chapter in my life!

Love & Peace
Devin

Seven More Days…

Seven more days until the 16th! The 16th is a good day! My friend J is coming out from Texas, so we are meeting up for dinner. I have a counseling appointment with an awesome counselor. AND that is the end of the poetry contest I entered, so I should find out shortly after, that I won. I’m trying all the visualization stuff, people are always talking about. I am visualizing a check with $1000 dollars written on it in my name. I am picturing my poems in the magazine, as the winning person. I’m also praying that I win. It’s been a couple months since I’ve been working, and I could really use the money to pay some extra bills. I could also use the “being published” part. That way when I get my books finished, it will be easier to get an agent, so that I can publish my books. I know I could self-publish, and that’s good for those that do, but I feel like if my things are good enough to be published, then I should be payed to have it done, rather then having to pay for it myself. I also am not motivated enough to go through with self-publishing.

So seven more days until the day comes!!!

Love & Peace
Devin

Been Away…

I’ve been in one of those moods again, where I don’t have anything to say. I would say I’m coming out of my slump, but am just not feeling up to writing or reading much. So haven’t even done a lot of reading of other blogs lately. I’ve been binge watching Lost a lot. Then on Friday, I went to hang out with my friend G. She has a large library of movies, so I borrowed 5 and watched 4 of them over the weekend. She is planning on bringing more to church, so I can trade them out.

This morning I made a broccoli quiche. I’m not much for cooking, as it stresses me out. I bought the ingredients last week, and procrastinated until this morning. So now it’s in the oven, and smells delicious! And I didn’t get as stressed out this time. Of course GR cut my onion and garlic for me, so that helped a lot.

I messed up and overdrew my bank account. I thought something had already come out, but it hadn’t. So thought I had more money then I did. And then since I haven’t been working yet, I was kind of panicking. Bills will start coming out in 4 days. So I asked my church if they could help me. Then my Aunt A has also agreed to help me out some. So I should be good for a little while. Hopefully I will hear about my drug test this week. Then I can start working.

And now the rest of the day I’m just chillin’. I will be going to my friend D’s house, before church, and hanging out.

Love & Peace
Devin

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